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Monday, April 07, 2003
News from the man from the Ministry of Truth

'Des' Ert reports today:
Mohammed Saeed al-Sayaf, looking rather more rattled than he did this morning, nobly fulfilling his role as Sadam Hussein's Minister of Information, had the following information for journalists in the Souk(er):
The Earth is flat
The sky is held up by two elephants
Saddam Hussein is about to enter Washington (Co. Durham) with overwhelming military force
Pigs (oops) sheep might fly
Sunderland will win this year's Premiership
And in an off the record briefing, he told me that Monty's Pass wouldn't win The Grand National and that Cambridge won the 2003 boat race. He's going to need a job soon and I am recommending him as a seer, not the music hall turn other cynics are suggesting.
I also want to ask him about the forthcoming marriage between Dodi Fayed and Princess Rosebud. Such extraordinary talent should not go unused and unrecognised - Des's I mean not Mr Goebbels...

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