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Friday, September 13, 2002
Writing in Residence

According to the BBC, the novelist Fay Weldon has found herself a new, temporary job. She has been appointed 'Writer in Residence' at the Savoy Hotel in London. The job means that she will be able to stay there, free, for three months. Breakfast, but not the minibar, is included. The room that she will occupy apparently would normally cost £290 per night. (Here's the link - a bit late.)

Why the Savoy would want to offer a mediocre writer such lavish hospitality beats me. (Where's your weblog, Fay?) After all, anyone who could be sufficiently imaginative to write of a woman's literal metamorphosis (The Life and Loves of a She-Devil) is clearly not to be trusted with such a sacred duty. Ms Weldon avers that she is unlikely to mention the hotel as she scribbles. I wonder what little nuggets of information she has on the Savoy that they wouldn't like her to make public...

Look here, madam, you've had enough rides on the gravy train. We all remember that your last novel, The Bulgari Connection was sponsored by the jeweller of that name. How about the rest of us?

This is the point at which I announce, to all and sundry, that I am due to fly to Australia, probably in November, for a couple of months. How about some sponsorship? Fay Weldon has antipodean links and must not be allowed to get in first.

For this enterprise, I am willing to consider offers from Qantas. Other useful takers would be motel chains and car rental companies. As they all quake in their boots at their extraordinary general board meetings, where they will consider my generous offer, they should remember that I've been down under before, so I know some of the answers. For example, I know the secret of Qantas food...

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